stylin-t1
11-11-2008, 03:00 PM
The Spitting Leprochaun
A leprochaun sits down at a bar and orders a drink.
After about 3 beers, he gets up and walks down the bar
to this big ugly hairy dude The leprochaun grabs him
by the ears and spits in his face then he sits back
down and orders another beer.
The bartender tells the leprochaun that the big guy
at the end of the bar will rip his dick off for doing
that.
Well after another two beers, the leprichaun walks down
the bar grabs the guy by the ears and spits in his face.
He then ordered another round.
The bartender tells him that if he does that again the
dude is going to rip his dick off.
Two beers later, the leprichaun walks down the bar and
grabs the big guy by the ears again, but this time the
big guy says he's going to rip his dick off and grabs
the leprichaun by the crotch . Surprised to find no
dick there, the big hairy ugly guy asks the leprichaun,
"If you aint got no dick, how the hell do you guys take
a piss?"
The leprichaun just smiles and spits in his face.
The Caring Lawyer
One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back
of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by
the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he
got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?", he asked one man.
"We don't have any money for food.", The poor man replied.
"Oh, come along with me then."
"But sir, I have a wife with two children!"
"Bring them along! And you, come with us too!", he said
to the other man.
"But sir, I have a wife with six children!" the second
man answered.
"Bring them as well!"
They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task,
even for a car as large as the limo.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you
are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "No problem, the grass at my home
is about two feet tall!"
Mrs. Jones Accident
Mr. Jones gets a call from the hospital. They tell him
his wife's been in a terrible car accident. He rushes
to the hospital, runs in to the ER and says his wife's
been in an accident. They tell him Dr. Smith is handling
the case. They page the doctor. He comes out to the
waiting room to see a terribly upset Mr. Jones.
"Mr. Jones?" the doctor asks.
"Yes sir, what's happened? How is my wife?" The doctor
sits next to him and says, "Not good news. Your wife's
accident resulted in two fractures of her spine."
"Oh my God," says Mr. Jones, "what will be her prognosis?"
"Well, Mr. Jones, her vital signs are stable. However,
her spine is inoperable. She'll have no motor skills
or capability. This means you will have to feed her."
Mr. Jones begins to sob.
"And you'll have to turn her in her bed every two hours
to prevent pneumonia." Mr. Jones begins to wail and
cry loudly.
"Then, of course," the doctor continued, "you'll have
to diaper her as she'll have no control over her bladder
and of course these diapers must be changed at least
five times a day." Mr. Jones begins to shake as he
cries, sobs, wails.
The doctor continues, "And you'll have to clean up her
feces on a regular basis as she'll have no control over
her sphincter. Her bowels will engorge whenever and
quite often I'm afraid. Of course you must clean her
immediately to avoid accumulation of the putrid effluent
she'll be emitting regularly."
Now Mr. Jones is convulsing sobbing uncontrollably and
beginning to wither off the bench into a sobbing pitiful
mass. Just then Dr. Smith reaches out his hand and pats
Mr. Jones on the shoulder. "Hey, I'm just fucking with
you, she's dead."
A leprochaun sits down at a bar and orders a drink.
After about 3 beers, he gets up and walks down the bar
to this big ugly hairy dude The leprochaun grabs him
by the ears and spits in his face then he sits back
down and orders another beer.
The bartender tells the leprochaun that the big guy
at the end of the bar will rip his dick off for doing
that.
Well after another two beers, the leprichaun walks down
the bar grabs the guy by the ears and spits in his face.
He then ordered another round.
The bartender tells him that if he does that again the
dude is going to rip his dick off.
Two beers later, the leprichaun walks down the bar and
grabs the big guy by the ears again, but this time the
big guy says he's going to rip his dick off and grabs
the leprichaun by the crotch . Surprised to find no
dick there, the big hairy ugly guy asks the leprichaun,
"If you aint got no dick, how the hell do you guys take
a piss?"
The leprichaun just smiles and spits in his face.
The Caring Lawyer
One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back
of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by
the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he
got out to investigate.
"Why are you eating grass?", he asked one man.
"We don't have any money for food.", The poor man replied.
"Oh, come along with me then."
"But sir, I have a wife with two children!"
"Bring them along! And you, come with us too!", he said
to the other man.
"But sir, I have a wife with six children!" the second
man answered.
"Bring them as well!"
They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task,
even for a car as large as the limo.
Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you
are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."
The lawyer replied, "No problem, the grass at my home
is about two feet tall!"
Mrs. Jones Accident
Mr. Jones gets a call from the hospital. They tell him
his wife's been in a terrible car accident. He rushes
to the hospital, runs in to the ER and says his wife's
been in an accident. They tell him Dr. Smith is handling
the case. They page the doctor. He comes out to the
waiting room to see a terribly upset Mr. Jones.
"Mr. Jones?" the doctor asks.
"Yes sir, what's happened? How is my wife?" The doctor
sits next to him and says, "Not good news. Your wife's
accident resulted in two fractures of her spine."
"Oh my God," says Mr. Jones, "what will be her prognosis?"
"Well, Mr. Jones, her vital signs are stable. However,
her spine is inoperable. She'll have no motor skills
or capability. This means you will have to feed her."
Mr. Jones begins to sob.
"And you'll have to turn her in her bed every two hours
to prevent pneumonia." Mr. Jones begins to wail and
cry loudly.
"Then, of course," the doctor continued, "you'll have
to diaper her as she'll have no control over her bladder
and of course these diapers must be changed at least
five times a day." Mr. Jones begins to shake as he
cries, sobs, wails.
The doctor continues, "And you'll have to clean up her
feces on a regular basis as she'll have no control over
her sphincter. Her bowels will engorge whenever and
quite often I'm afraid. Of course you must clean her
immediately to avoid accumulation of the putrid effluent
she'll be emitting regularly."
Now Mr. Jones is convulsing sobbing uncontrollably and
beginning to wither off the bench into a sobbing pitiful
mass. Just then Dr. Smith reaches out his hand and pats
Mr. Jones on the shoulder. "Hey, I'm just fucking with
you, she's dead."